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  • Ray St-Amour

Why technology isn’t always a good thing: 5 rules about technology and your relationship

Technology such as texting and social media often amplifies issues in relationships. Generally they do not cause the problems as the problems already exist. Technology has a way of magnifying the ongoing issues and bringing them to a head, causing a conflict and making them necessary to be addressed. For example, if one partner is jealous and doesn’t trust their partner, this might show as spying on their partner’s phone, insisting on knowing who all of their Facebook “friends” and “creeping”on their social media.

Here are 5 rules that will help you navigate your relationship in this technology enhanced world. Also remember that your children are watching you even though you may not be aware of it. They are learning from your behaviors, your reactions and your interactions with your partner.

  1. Have some screen free time daily. Take time to reconnect with your partner. Give them your full undivided attention.

  2. Make your meal time screen free time. Set the example by ensuring everyone has their phones or tablets away from the table or turned off. That means you, your partner and your children. This will foster good conversation and encourage communication between all members of the family.

  3. Do not creep your partner’s Social media’s account. It shows lack of trust. If you are curious just tell your partner that you are checking their account by curiosity and do it together. Some couples actually share accounts. This can work if you share mostly all the same friends and have the same interests.

  4. Only text your partner practical things such as “can you pick up more milk on the way home”. Do not engage in discussions in the form of text as this is the way that misunderstandings happen. Texting does not show intonation or body language. Keep those important discussions for face to face time.

  5. Don’t let your phone calls or texts interrupt an important discussion: let your partner know that they are more important, that the call or text can wait for a response. . Of course if it is an important call that you were waiting for, mention it before your deep conversation or explain to them why you have to take this call with a promise to get back to the discussion afterwards. Of course, the number of times those needed interruptions are happening may affect the genuineness of the “ sorry dear. I have to take this call”

If you are mindful of how your use of technology is impacting your relationship, you have already taken an important step in nurturing what you and your partner have together.

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