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Q.  How can cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) help me with my anxiety or depression?


A.  CBT has been shown to be very effective as it changes how you think, which in turn changes

 how you feel and how you behave.  It works well for both anxiety and depression


Q.  How can I tell if I have depression?


A.  Most family doctors are qualified to diagnosis depression.  Depression usually lasts for at least 3 or 4 weeks and can interfere with daily routines, enjoyment of life, and social interaction.   Medication is not the only treatment for depression as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy has been shown to be highly effective.


Q.  Will my anxiety ever go completely away?


A.   We all need to have some anxiety to keep us safe in situations that may be dangerous.  The goal is to have you be in control of your anxiety, not have your anxiety controlling you.  Most people who feel their anxiety is a problem tend to overestimate the  danger of a situation and underestimate their own strengths and resources.  Cognitive Behaviour Therapy helps significantly with anxiety.




Q.  I’m angry all the time.  Why?


A.  Anger is the easiest emotion to tap into.  Sadness, hurt, embarrassment, fear, resentment, insecurity, etc… all these emotions can show as anger.  With the Anger Solutions program we can help you find the reason for your anger and help you develop strategies to change this anger into a positive outcome.


Q.  Is all anger bad?


A.  Anger in itself isn’t bad.  We all need anger so that we can speak up when something isn’t right.  It’s how we show anger that can be negative.    We can show you how to channel that anger into more appropriate ways.


Q.  Where did I learn how to display anger?


A.  Many people grew up in families where anger was displayed physically and emotionally.  Even though you may think “I’ll never be like my mom/dad”,  unless you learn different ways to channel this anger, you may indeed fall into their footsteps.




Q.  How do I tell my parents I am gay, lesbian, bi , non-binary, trans, etc?


A.  Coming out to parents is difficult in the best of circumstances and is usually an anxious time for the person coming out.  Most parents love their children but often have assumed their sexual orientation is binary and are attracted to the opposite sex.  They may need some time and information to fully comprehend that their child is still the same person but is being their true self.


Q.  How can I tell that I am gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans?


A.  Both sexual orientation and gender identity can be fluid over time.  As there tends to be a “heterosexual assumption” in society this can sometimes cloud who you are actually attracted to and what gender you truly feel you are.   Figuring this out can take time and self examination. Counselling can be helpful with this process as well as providing you with information you need to know.


Q.  My son/daughter just came out to me.  How can I help them?


A.  Acknowledge how hard it was for them come out to you and let them know you love them.  Be patient with yourself as they have been aware they were LGBTQ for quite a while, while you need time to absorb this news.  Be supportive and seek information for yourself so you don’t say or do things that will be counterproductive.  An excellent resource is PFLAG and their website (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).


Q.  My son/daughter just came out to me. I am shocked.  I don’t want them to be gay, trans, etc...  I’m not coping very well


A.  Your son/daughter had a long time to get used to their sexual orientation.  For you, it is all new.  It is a shock and you need to process this new information.  Talk to friends and  family that you believe will be supportive.   As a parent you want to protect your child and you can’t protect them from the world which can be quite insensitive.   Your son/daughter needs you right now but you also need to be able to process this information as an individual.   Counselling may also be a route to go in order to process this information.


Q. As a parent of a gay, lesbian, bi  or trans child, where can I find information to educate myself?


A. .  An excellent resource is PFLAG and their website (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).




Q.  I have experienced something horrific. How can I tell if I have been traumatized?


A.  People who have experienced trauma and are impacted by it find that it affects the activity of daily living; they may be  having difficulty coping going to school or work, difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating,difficulty making day to day decisions.  They may be hypervigilant and have physiological reactions to cues that remind them of the traumatic event. They may be irritable and have angry outbursts.  Basically, they are having difficulty coping with life in general.


Q.  If my friend/family member experienced the same trauma, why isn’t she/he impacted the same way?


A.  We all react to situations differently.  We all have different personalities.  What one person experiences does not necessarily impact another person the same way.  The impact of the same trauma is different for different people.


Q.  How can counselling help me, if I have been traumatized?


A.  Therapy is very useful in helping you learn new coping strategies to help you live life fully.  Therapy will not take away the trauma, but will help diminish its impact and help you cope better.  With therapy you will also have the opportunity to process the event(s).  This also will help diminish its impact in the long run. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization reprocessing) is a technique that is very helpful in processing past trauma. Ray is trained in EMDR.  Many of Ray's clients have found it very helpful in moving on from their trauma. This is something that can be discussed at the beginning or at any point during the therapy process.




Q.  My wife/husband/partner/spouse and I are fighting a lot.  Would counselling help us improve our relationship?


A.  Yes, couples therapy is very helpful.  In therapy you and your partner will be able to discuss the conflicts in your relationship, have a safe place to do so as well as learn new ways to communicate and show your feelings for each other.  At Maray Counselling, we use the Gottman Method Couples Therapy along with Emotion Focused Therapy to help you understand and communicate each other’s thoughts and feelings in a nurturing way.


Q.  What is the Gottman Method Couples Therapy?


A.  the Gottman Method uses nine components of healthy relationships.   These include trust, commitment, managing conflict and creating a shared meaning.  Each one of the components explores different aspects of your relationship. 


Q.  What can I expect when I come for  couples counselling?


A.  The first session is done jointly with you and your partner where we do an assessment. The next 2 sessions are done individually where we can assess individually any other issues that may not have come up in the initial assessment. After this, generally the couple will be seen together and we will be working on the nine components of healthy relationships from the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy.  This method has been used for now nearly forty years and has been proven to be efficient.  The Gottman Method has been proven to help couples improve their understanding of each other , nurture connection and intimacy and decrease conflict and barriers. Emotion Focused Therapy and the Developmental Model are used concurrently with the Gottman Method to help the couple access underlying emotions.


Q.  I am in a gay/lesbian/trans relationship.  How does couple counselling work for my type of relationship?


A  Counselling remains very similar. The specifics of your relationship, for example where one of you has identified as trans can bring some different challenges to the relationship. Societal issues are taken into consideration.  For example, there are different levels of out.  One partner may be out to their family, the other not.  One partner may be out at work, the other not. So, even though the counselling techniques are the same, the various levels that are unique to your relationship are taken into consideration.












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